Pachetonas

Pachetonas Head of Clan Defenses, Healer *decapitates you with wing blades* aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaa

Personality and Clan Life by ZincAlloy Don’t get confused when you hear the head of Clan Aequitas’s defenses is a healer. While she technically is one, describing Pachetonas as gentle is as truthful as claiming the Stormcatcher is lazy. The only dragons she heals are those Ma’at orders her to, and even then, as far as she’s concerned once her patient is no longer going to die of their remaining wounds her work is done. But as Pachetonas has realized, her work is never done. Long ago, she oversaw the clan’s whole military. That lasted until Ma’at joined the clan. Pachetonas was happy to recognize the Nocturne as the more capable general, and eagerly retired. No longer would she have to deal with the self-destructive infighting of her clanmates. Instead she’d only deal with the results of that fighting, as she’d still have to work as a healer to make ends meet. Luckily, not even Clan Aequitas can injure itself constantly, so Pachetonas would still have much more time off to relax than she had as a general. That retirement was short-lived. Barely weeks after leaving things in Ma’at’s claws, Demeter showed up to congratulate Pachetonas on her promotion to head of the clan’s defenses. Demeter explained that Ma’at had decided that Clan Aequitas was the greatest threat to its own safety. Thus, she had withdrawn the Scales from defending the clan, and had instead set them to making sure the clan didn’t tear itself apart. But this left the clan entirely undefended, which was why Demeter was reinstating Pachetonas. That was not something Pachetonas wanted to hear. To Demeter’s dismay, Pachetonas even agreed with Ma’at’s decision. What was the point in defending the clan from outsiders? Nobody could get into the Runic Mountain Range on purpose, so an invasion was impossible. Sure, dragons fell in sometimes, but they became clan members by virtue of existing in the mountains and thus it was Ma’at’s job to deal with them. But Demeter was insistent that somebody had to defend the clan. And that somebody was Pachetonas. Demeter tried to console Pachetonas by telling her she wouldn’t be working alone. It worked, for the three seconds until she learned that is was Isfet who would be working with her. Pachetonas had some choice words to say about Isfet, most of which were synonyms for “useless edgelord.” She kept complaining until Demeter threw her against a wall and told her to get to work.

Since then, Pachetonas has actually done her job. Technically. As far as she’s concerned, defending the clan from outsiders is still kind of pointless. Instead, she’s defending the clan from Isfet, preventing him from doing his part to defend the clan by any means possible. If she happens to spot anyone suspicious while she’s doing this, well, they can get defended from too. For his part, Isfet hates Pachetonas right back, and while most of his traps would be effective against invaders if they existed, enough of them are placed on Pachetonas’s patrol routes that it’s clear their feelings are mutual. At the very least, Pachetonas takes solace in knowing she’d dominate Isfet in a fight. Now if only he’d fight fair! Leaving landmines around everywhere and trying to blow Pachetonas up every time she heads back for lunch isn’t sportsmanlike. It also causes the birds that like to perch on her to freak out, and their chirping makes Pachetonas want to tear her ears off. Not that Pachetonas doesn’t want the squawking pests to get lost, but not even explosives will do the trick. Frying them with lightning would be a permanent solution, if doing so wouldn’t make Astraea very sad. And not even Pachetonas wants to make Astraea sad. Astraea wouldn’t even remember why she was sad in the first place, so she’d never know when to stop being sad and would permanently be in tears. At least, Pachetonas is pretty sure that’s how it would work. There’s other reasons Pachetonas would like to get rid of those birds. Her preferred fighting style uses the blades she’s strapped to the forward edges of her wings, and the birds like to tear the straps apart to use as nesting materials. Pachetonas would love to be able to soar through a battle, wings outstretched and beheading everyone, but if the blades fall off mid-flight she could be the one losing her head. And no, the birds can’t be trained for war. She’s tried, hoping to find some use for them. Unfortunately, they’re far too disorganized to be effective troops. Instead of orderly regiments, they like to form chaotic raiding parties, sailing across teacups in tiny boats and pillaging every shiny thing that a dragon leaves out in the open. Not only are they too small to loot any meaningful amount of treasure, but it turns out dragons don’t like having their spare change pillaged, and then Pachetonas has to fight her angry clanmates. Even worse, after they’re done the birds like to celebrate their successful raid back in their nests on Pachetonas’s wings, and the chirping keeps her up all night. That birdsong sounds vaguely like draconic, but is probably just them imitating the songs from one of Seraphina’s plays. Probably, because Pachetonas doesn’t remember those plays being quite so violent. Somehow, the birds are still less annoying than Krajta, the other member of the clan’s defense team. As a relative newcomer to the clan, Krajta made a mess of everything until Demeter was finally fed up enough to make him Pachetonas’s problem. And he’s quite the big problem. Krajta believes himself to be a vigilante hero, except the unique situation of the Runic Mountain Range means he has no access to villains to get himself killed by. Instead, he causes his own problems so that he can gallantly save the clan from danger. Or he would, if he wasn’t so useless that Pachetonas has to fix his mistakes for him. All he accomplishes is making sure Pachetonas can’t take an unannounced vacation and give those theoretical invaders a chance to sneak in. Krajta also successfully injures himself quite often, which is Pachetonas’s duty to deal with, as much as she pretends it isn’t. She’ll heal him if he’s about to die, but if not Pachetonas prefers to dump him in front of Nephthys or Venti and make him their problem. Those two are a bit more willing to heal others, but like Pachetonas, Nephthys doesn’t really care whether Krajta suffers or not. Venti ends up healing him, while Pachetonas and Nephthys work together to make snide remarks about his lack of intelligence. The three healers tolerate each other, though Venti’s attempts to befriend either of them fall on deaf ears. Pachetonas would admit that Venti’s probably better company than anyone she currently works with, but being friends with him would mean she’d have to start doing her job as healer again. And then she’d have to deal with all the fools in the clan. That’s not happening. Isfet and Krajta are two too many, but two is less than twenty. Sometimes, Pachetonas thinks Myrtle has the right idea. Being an asocial psychopath might not make anybody like you, but at least it wards off idiocy. Living by herself with a bunch of plants sounds like a pretty good life right about now.

Born to a pair of Lightning models, Pachetonas was meant to be the life of the show, wearing pretty apparel and flaunting just how fluffy apparel can be. From a very young age, she was dressed up and taught to walk the way of the model. In other words, moving with a sliding, elegant gait that somehow involves using all your muscles at once but also concentrating the force on your claws so you make a terrific amount of clicking noises as you destroy your manicure, your claws, but look pretty as you walk.

Pachetonas had only one comment for this form of mobility. Well, she had one swear word. It was a rather strong one, and she screamed it into the faces of the judges who were supposed to give her an A and get her into college. There was a bit of screaming involved, more curses, a random dance number, and an Imperial being dragged offstage

If you want to know, she's still wondering why they gave her an F.

After failing her parents and clan, Pachetonas was considered a disgrace. Out of what could be considered love for her, however, they sent her to learn what they considered the lowliest of all careers: in other words, healing. Lightning magic had the ability to bring the newly dead back to life, and with its tendency to help control brain waves and nerves, lightning mages were the most revered of all the healers.

Pachetonas was not exactly pleased by the prospect of becoming a healer. But again, seeing as she was about to be disowned and she had no other way to provide for herself, she stuck with her healing lessons. Though she excelled at magic, she was never proud of it. She did not like healing; did it only because it was a way she could survive.

Once she had become a full-fledged healer, Pachetonas went back to her clan, who welcomed her enthusiastically, even offering her the position of a healer in their clan. However, it didn't take Pachetonas long to figure out "healer" in their world basically amounted to the same as "slave". She was forced to dress up others, heal wounds caused by crass apparel, and, being someone notable for her lack of patience, she decided after two weeks of torture that she'd had enough. She threw a tantrum, destroyed much of her clan in the process, helped herself to the clan's coffers, and went off with her head held high in the air.

Her clan was actually just trying to test her. But if you tell Pachetonas that, she'll most likely just rip your limbs off.



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