Toujou

**** this body, and also **** this body: Toujou hasn’t felt this discombobulated since her last growth spurt. In some ways this is worse: she woke up suddenly twelve centimetres taller and with Shinguuji Korekiyo’s gangly, gangly legs, which feel wrong on her no matter how much they’d been attractive on someone else.

Everything is too long. Toujou kicks at Shinguuji's desk experimentally and swears under her breath when she overshoots by half a meter. She won’t be able to play tennis like this, let alone kill a man. Toujou peels off a boot and massages the calf under it, fighting a headache.

She considers the possibility that she’s not the only one affected and jackknifes out of bed, scowling as Shinguuji’s long hair hits her in the face (he sleeps in both his mask and uniform: considering his usual meticulous neatness, she hadn’t expected that at all). Not trusting this body to have the proper hand-eye coordination, she foregoes a change of clothes, slides on his ever-present hat, and she’s off.

She runs into Ouma in the hallway. His ivory fists are clenched to his sides in distress, spiky bangs swept haphazardly across his face. “Shinguuji?” he gasps, and it’s the question that cinches it: she shakes her head. “No, I’m Toujou. And you’re…?”

“Akamatsu.” is the quick reply. He — she — tugs on her hair, agitated and just as clearly trying to keep herself calm. “Did you wake up like this too, Toujou?”

“Yes.” Toujou checks Shinguuji’s watch. “This must be the new motive.”

She would wait until everyone has gathered to say this to avoid unnecessary panic and confusion, but Akamatsu Kaede has adapted well to the stressful situations the Monokumarz have thrown them in. Some help would be useful. “Do you suppose this… phenomenon has affected everyone?”

Akamatsu stops pulling on her hair. “I hope not, but I guess we’ll have to check. It’s before the morning announcement, everyone should still be sleeping. Toujou, do you mind taking the left corridor? I’ll start with the right.”

“Not at all.” Toujou turns on her heel and starts up the stairway, irritably forgetting to not gather up a skirt that isn’t there, and presses Hoshi’s doorbell, pressing a ear to the door as she does so. She can hear Akamatsu doing the same. After a second, she can hear a low-pitched shout from behind the door, and then a muffled clunk as if something has fallen over.

“Hoshi?” she calls out. “Are you alright?”

“Fine!” is the reply. “Can you open the door?” Toujou asks, and after a minute and a round of low muttering Hoshi peeps out.

“… Shinguuji?”

“No. Am I correct in presuming that you’re not Hoshi either?”

Hoshi puts his head in his hands and begins to breathe irregularly in what Toujou may or may not correctly intercept as hyperventilation. “…”

She leaves that door for now.

“You have to stay calm,” Akamatsu is saying into the keyhole when Toujou catches up to her. There’s silence for a few seconds, and

“I can’t stay CALM!” her voice shouts back, and Toujou winces. “This — this — perversion of nature— ”

“Oh, will you shut up.” Harukawa says, and suddenly the door is gone. Toujou watches as her body stares up at Gokuhara's, then at Ouma's, and with a death-rattle scream lunges at the latter. Harukawa grabs her easily by the shoulders and hoists her up into a fireman’s carry.

“Harukawa.” Akamatsu says.

“Hm?” Upon meeting Akamatsu’s judgmental stare, she shrugs. “What? It would have taken longer.”

Akamatsu facepalms. “I asked everyone to gather in the cafeteria.” she says. “Let’s head there.”

The cafeteria is loud with arguing when they get there, which barely softens as they enter. Momota stands up and slams his hands on the table. No matter how unsettling it is to see her own body do such a thing, Akamatsu can't help but feel relieved; at least he doesn't seem traumatised or panicked.

“Finally!” he shouts. “Akamatsu, Harumaki, what the hell took you so long?”

“You shut up, too.” Harukawa says, putting a limp Shinguuji into his seat.

“So,” Akamatsu begins, wincing at her unfamiliar tenor, “Let’s recap so we can avoid any more chaos. Who was swapped into which body?”

They draw a list up.