By Sephora von Lorelle
Faes. We’ve seen them all before. Little gremlin-esque atrocities with their grotesquely long necks, fingers, and toes; limbs freakishly deformed enough to rake you in and trap you as their prey, dragging you into the depths of hell itself as they perform rituals on you with their ominous and monotonous cries of mockery. Their beady soulless little eyes fixated on every move you make, purposely making you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. They know your every move, the aura you emit, and even the fate you are destined to live for. Their small statures give them the advantage to quickly take you down like a swarm of rats eating its victim away. Why should these beasts be feared by the inhabitants of Sornieth? In this article, find out more.
Many average dragons believe imperials are the top dragons, including its emperor form where citizens treat them as the most destructive and fearsome kind in all of Sornieth. But they are wrong. Faes are to be feared for the reasons stated before. As well as observed in planet Earth’s history, the dinosaurs were once the giant rulers of their planet- but their size and idiocy proved to be an ultimate disadvantage, and therefore were evolutionary failures. This will later be proven correct as the imperials’ final fate, and the rumors surrounding their own Goddess contemplating on eliminating these magnificent giants due to their own evolutionary errors are going to be inevitable and tragic. And yet, no one bats an eye at the little demons known as faes. In fact, they blend in with the crowd of dragons and everyone ignores them- which is all part of these little pests’ plan. They want you to never question their motives, or even purpose. These secretive and intelligent creatures are planning something evil to come to Sornieth, but nobody knows.
Perhaps these dwarfs are the descendants of the Shade itself? Here at the D. O. T. S. (Dragons Of The Supernatural) we’ve asked founder Skye Dansa about his thoughts on the matter. “We are led to believe that faes are simply a creation of the Arcanist,” he explains, “but who are we to trust the Arcanist? Perhaps those who belong in Arcane Flight, sure, but the rest of us folks are real suspicious of what I personally believe to be a cover up. It is recorded in history that the deity is held responsible for almost destroying our planet. Accident or not, what else has been lurking about trying to destroy everything in its way? The Shade, of course. Sounds real suspicious to me.” Dansa proceeded with more thoughts about the subject. “Its real easy to point fingers at Shadowbinder for being behind The Shade, after all she is the physical embodiment of darkness itself. But what sets her apart from the Arcanist is her fear of The Shade. Arcanist is always messing around with magic and doesn’t seem to show fear. Faes are observed to appear emotionless even if they have been proven to have emotions, and are the only dragons to have trouble communicating with the rest of us, like aliens. Something doesn’t add up here.”
Lastly, member Hugh Dawn of F.O.E. (Faes Observed to be Evil) spilled out his thoughts on faes as well. “I believe faes aren’t demons or even minions of The Shade per say, but rather, they are aliens. They display many characteristics shared with by the stereotypical extraterrestrials. Their big eyes, their eerie speech, and their exaggerated limbs. They live with us on a day-to-day basis but we cannot seem to understand them and vice-versa. However, we believe they are here on a mission. A mission to get us to treat them as our superiors and to eventually take over our planet and dragonkind as a whole. They are using us all to do their bidding and to destroy us. I know they will.”
Whether faes are simply evil masterminds, or just really ugly and unfortunate looking- we will never quite know the answer to this. Will they eventually step up their game and mind control us all, or just get a long day at the spa? Are these creatures out to do the suspiciously evil bidding of the Arcanist, or just happen to garner very unwanted attention on them? Regardless, one thing is for certain: faes are the ultimate predators and should leave us big dragons alone.
Disclaimer: This is obviously a joke article. I do not hate faes- in fact, I love them a lot but the recent lack of them in my lair inspired this joke in my head. Please do not hurt me over this parody, I bruise like a banana. :(
