Psst this is a joke. I in no way condone dating giant magical fictional reptile gods. Nor in anyway is it bashing on any deities. I love them all equally.
Hi. Yes. You read that title correctly.
Someone has to do it.
Have you ever asked yourself: "Man, I wonder what these giant, fictional magic reptiles may be like to date?"
WELL HAVE I GOT THE THING FOR YOU!
I did this so you didn't have to.
Earthshaker
10/10
He's mature. He's caring. He loves his family despite the fact that they're kind of all massive jerks to him. Look at that beard. Such a magnificent beard surely requires a lot of maintenance, and hygiene is very important in a partner. What more could you want?
Flamecaller
8/10
She is very hot. Literally. You'd probably catch on fire if you tried to cuddle with her. She's very bold and knows how to get things done, but might be a bit too aggressive and hotheaded for some. She was the first to attack the Shade, and she will sure as hell protect your heart.
Windsinger
9/10
An overall great dude. He's bubbly and artistic, but his energy may be too much for many to keep up with. He's the "Go, go, go!" type of guy, and while it may be exciting at first, it can quickly become tiring.
Tidelord
0/10
Will disappear for long amounts of time for absolutely no reason and with no warnings at all. You deserve better than that.
Shadowbinder
6/10
She's gooey, and that goo is going to get everywhere. Your carpet? covered in jet black goo. So much property damage. Dating her would probably be like being in one of the youtube "GF vs. BF" prank channels. She also knows all your secrets, so breaking up with her would be a nightmare. On the positive side, she has a great sense of humor, and is probably as nocturnal as you are if you're genuinely sitting her contemplating the dating capabilities of a magical giant reptile. Will def stay up late eating popcorn and watching scary movies with you.
Icewarden
4/10
Have you ever tried to cuddle with someone while their feet were ice cold? Yeah imagine that but x100. He's very cold personality wise, as well. Will probably lock you up in prison without a second though if he ever even suspects you of any wrongdoing. He is very fluffy tho, so points for that I guess.
Stormcatcher
0/10
Dating your boss? Not a good idea. That's an HR complaint waiting to happen.
Lightweaver
6/10
She's very secretive, and that's not good for a healthy relationship. She'll also try to "correct" you if anything ever goes wrong in your relationship, even if its her fault in the first place. On the plus side, she IS basically a free flashlight and very, very rich.
Gladekeeper
10/10
She has some family problems, but don't we all? Again, another magnificent beard. She's well groomed, mature, and loving. What more could you want?
Plaguebringer
0/10
I'm sure she has a lovely personality, but it's kind of ruined by the fact that any attempt to get near her would probably give you 700 different diseases. Imagine giving her a hug and one of those blisters popping. Yeah, that's a no from me.
Arcanist
8/10
He's sweet and cute, but may also cause reality to fold in on itself. He tends to lock himself away for long periods of time doing research, meaning your free time with him would be pretty limited. He does give great hugs tho, 4 arms means 4x the hug.
So, in conclusion, most of them are pretty terrible and make for terrible partners.
Who would have thought it'd be a bad idea to date magical reptile gods?
Huh.
Hi. Yes. You read that title correctly.
Someone has to do it.
Have you ever asked yourself: "Man, I wonder what these giant, fictional magic reptiles may be like to date?"
WELL HAVE I GOT THE THING FOR YOU!
I did this so you didn't have to.
Earthshaker
10/10
He's mature. He's caring. He loves his family despite the fact that they're kind of all massive jerks to him. Look at that beard. Such a magnificent beard surely requires a lot of maintenance, and hygiene is very important in a partner. What more could you want?
Flamecaller
8/10
She is very hot. Literally. You'd probably catch on fire if you tried to cuddle with her. She's very bold and knows how to get things done, but might be a bit too aggressive and hotheaded for some. She was the first to attack the Shade, and she will sure as hell protect your heart.
Windsinger
9/10
An overall great dude. He's bubbly and artistic, but his energy may be too much for many to keep up with. He's the "Go, go, go!" type of guy, and while it may be exciting at first, it can quickly become tiring.
Tidelord
0/10
Will disappear for long amounts of time for absolutely no reason and with no warnings at all. You deserve better than that.
Shadowbinder
6/10
She's gooey, and that goo is going to get everywhere. Your carpet? covered in jet black goo. So much property damage. Dating her would probably be like being in one of the youtube "GF vs. BF" prank channels. She also knows all your secrets, so breaking up with her would be a nightmare. On the positive side, she has a great sense of humor, and is probably as nocturnal as you are if you're genuinely sitting her contemplating the dating capabilities of a magical giant reptile. Will def stay up late eating popcorn and watching scary movies with you.
Icewarden
4/10
Have you ever tried to cuddle with someone while their feet were ice cold? Yeah imagine that but x100. He's very cold personality wise, as well. Will probably lock you up in prison without a second though if he ever even suspects you of any wrongdoing. He is very fluffy tho, so points for that I guess.
Stormcatcher
0/10
Dating your boss? Not a good idea. That's an HR complaint waiting to happen.
Lightweaver
6/10
She's very secretive, and that's not good for a healthy relationship. She'll also try to "correct" you if anything ever goes wrong in your relationship, even if its her fault in the first place. On the plus side, she IS basically a free flashlight and very, very rich.
Gladekeeper
10/10
She has some family problems, but don't we all? Again, another magnificent beard. She's well groomed, mature, and loving. What more could you want?
Plaguebringer
0/10
I'm sure she has a lovely personality, but it's kind of ruined by the fact that any attempt to get near her would probably give you 700 different diseases. Imagine giving her a hug and one of those blisters popping. Yeah, that's a no from me.
Arcanist
8/10
He's sweet and cute, but may also cause reality to fold in on itself. He tends to lock himself away for long periods of time doing research, meaning your free time with him would be pretty limited. He does give great hugs tho, 4 arms means 4x the hug.
So, in conclusion, most of them are pretty terrible and make for terrible partners.
Who would have thought it'd be a bad idea to date magical reptile gods?
Huh.
> +3 FR >She/Her >Stuck in G1 Hell |