General Discussion

My girlfriend broke up with me in late November, and I'm still feeling the burn pretty bad. Not to mention the fact that she got a guy to replace me basically RIGHT AFTER she ended things with me.

We were together for 4 months, and she was the only person I've ever really had feelings for. She was helping me through a very difficult time in my life, a time that I'm still going through right now which is somehow even worse without her.

I was convinced things were going well. I was letting myself believe her when she told me I was doing good despite my self-doubt. In the end, she said some things, and later I found out she was lying to me a bit, it stung. I won't go into detail.


This was my first breakup and I'm still feeling pretty awful about it, especially today. I hadn't planned on spending it alone. I have a whole whole lot going on right now, and this is the cherry on top.
I don't know what I can do to make myself feel any better, I can't shake all the bad thoughts I have about myself, I'm just lost and stuck and sad.

I'm posting this here in case anyone gives some advice. Mostly though, I'll be ok if I don't get any, It'll just be nice getting it all out.

I don't want to bother anyone.

@NodoBird

Aw, that sucks, man. Don't let yourself think it was your fault. From what you said here it seems to not be your fault at all. I'd do something or pick up an old hobboy to get your mind off of it, maybe take up drawing or writing? Drawing sometimes helps me, and I know writing, even short things or poetry helps a lot.

If you need to talk at all any more, just ping or pm me! I'm here for you!

@NodoBird I know how you feel, I've had some pretty lonely V Day's myself. I'm really sorry that someone you care about so much hurt you. I've had some pretty bad breakups myself, and the thing you need to remember is that there's no point in wallowing in it, but there's also no pressure to move on.

What I mean is, you can't "make" yourself feel better.. It's best, in my experience, to look back and just let yourself feel all your feelings. Don't hold them back! Cry, scream, cuddle a pillow, take a hot shower or bath. Write down all the things you want to say to this person and then throw them away. Don't type them out because you'll be tempted to send them!

Remember that you're loved and capable of being loved. No matter what you may think, remind yourself that every relationship you have is practice for the big one. I lived with someone for a year and we were almost engaged. A year later, I'm engaged to someone else that I met on Twitter, and this person totally changed my outlook on how love is supposed to be.

I'm sory if it sounds like I'm bragging. I'm genuinely not trying to; I'm just trying to point out that there is someone out there who will make you feel like this is all worth it. Hopefully this was a little helpful. If you want to talk more feel free to PM me anytime, friend!

@NodoBird

I'm sorry to hear about the break up. I think I've had my fair share of break ups, I've felt your pain dude.

I remember being super torn up about a break up I had for only about a month and a half. It's devastating, especially to find I was just part of his numbers game. I just thought we actually had a strong connection going, ya know? There was also a point in time where my current boyfriend and I split after an entire year together. Not because we fell out of love for each other, mostly in regards to each others futures (college). I also had a break up few days before Valentines day so that was lame.

This is probably going to sound cliché, but the best way that I handled things during my break ups is try my best to grow from it sort of out of spite. Basically, all you're going to feel after break ups is of course heart break, and longing after the person still, thus putting yourself down in every way because you weren't the one or you feel that it's all your fault. I personally try to fight it, and by doing so:

I'm going to do better at _____, and when they see how much I've improved they'll surely regret their decision!

Many might say this is lame and petty. But I think what it does or what it did was put more of a positive outlook on myself and forget about them, not exactly forget, but more of an acceptance and moving forward. What I'm saying is, over time it started out as spite, but I started improving myself in ways that I saw negatively only to become this person I was proud of. My focus altered from longing after someone who no longer loves me, to loving myself because I felt proud of myself and appreciated my efforts. Self love and appreciation is important!

I'm not trying to say you should change yourself for the better of someone else's terms. Change for yourself. Turn those negatives into positives. Because often or not when you're at the end of the receiving line of a break up, you feel it's your fault, you make assumptions of yourself and nitpick every little flaw that you see as personal imperfections. This is basically my method of tricking myself to do better at something.

Motivational songs tend to help, and I recommend listening to this specific song.

@Amyatzu
Thank you, drawing helps, I like to doodle. I can get some of those pesky feelings out that way.

@pharmakraken
You're right, bottling up feelings is more damaging than letting them out. Your writing-and-disposing method sounds good and I think I'll try it. I've been trying to tell myself too that just because this one relationship didn't work out, that it doesn't mean I don't have any chances for future ones.
And it didn't seem to me like you were bragging, lol don't worry about that. You were talking about your experience and that did help me a little bit. It feels more like my relationship options won't end at the first, and that someday I'll find someone who makes all the trouble searching worthwhile.
Also, congratulations on the engagement! That's awesome, I'm really happy for you.

@Etro
Super relatable stuff there in the first paragraph. It's cool to see I'm not alone in this (lol and it's kind of dumb to ever assume that I am).
Your advice seems to be helping a lot. I was kind of doing that a small bit already, but it's kind of slowly snowballing.
A sort of "They were wrong to leave me" kind of thing but kept to myself so that I'm not an egotistical jerk. It's kind of self-boosting but at the same time it makes me feel less bad that they're gone now.
You're right about improving myself. I'm in a deep rut, I haven't been caring for myself at all. I really think though that eventually I'll have the strength to change all of that, and it's important to remind myself that I can. I'll become the person I like being, and this would all be in the past.
Also, I love the song you sent. I put it on my playlist and I'll listen to it whenever I need to.



Thank you, everyone. Truly. Seeing these made yesterday so much easier. I'll have my ups and downs along the way, but I really think that one day I can recover from this.
Thanks again. This is such a great little community.

@Nodobird

Nice! No problem! Also, send me some of your drawings if you feel proud of them!

@Nodobird
I've never broken up with someone before...or gotten in a romantic relationship...so I can't really imagine how you're feeling.
And I'm probably not the best person to give advice, but don't let it get you down. And don't worry about being single on Valentine's Day. What is Valentine's Day anyway? Just a commercialized holiday that the candy companies take advantage of to make extra money; there's nothing special about it.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. I don't know if this helps, but I'm sending you a dodo. Hope you feel better soon!

@Nettletea
Thank you so much for the kind words. And dodos always help!