So I’ve always grown up with LGBTQIA+ members (by the way I love all of you for what you’ve done and gone though) butt I’ve always identified with straight. But lately, I’ve been questioning myself. I know it’s not as easy to figure by saying, “Well do you like boys or girls?” Because I feel like that isn’t enough to know for me. My family is very homophobic but I don’t want that to stop me from finding myself.
So I guess I’m just wondering how everyone knew their sexuality or gender? I don’t mean for this to be super personal, I’m just a teen girl needing to be anonymous and get help finding herself.
Thank you! [emoji=heart size=1][emoji=rainbow size=1]
So I’ve always grown up with LGBTQIA+ members (by the way I love all of you for what you’ve done and gone though) butt I’ve always identified with straight. But lately, I’ve been questioning myself. I know it’s not as easy to figure by saying, “Well do you like boys or girls?” Because I feel like that isn’t enough to know for me. My family is very homophobic but I don’t want that to stop me from finding myself.
So I guess I’m just wondering how everyone knew their sexuality or gender? I don’t mean for this to be super personal, I’m just a teen girl needing to be anonymous and get help finding herself.
Thank you!
hiya! i'm pan :)
when i was a youngn' i had no idea that the lgbtqa+ community even existed,, then i found a post on some website idk and yeah (also figured out that my uncle was gay uhh,hh)
at first i thought i was asexual, then asexual-biromantic because of this one gal who i still love to this day, but i also knew i liked boys. after that i thought i was just plain bi for a while because idk puberty i guess. i questioned for a while until the trans guy popped up at my school and it was like a smack to the face oh my goodness haha,, and then some nonbianaries and agenders came along with some other gals and guys and i just kinda followed my feelings from there,,
for my gender, not much there. just a bland cis-female, nothing more nothing less.
i reccomend looking up the main few labels and seeing if any apply to you,, that's more or less what i did.
hope this helps, and lmk if you need any more advice :)
hiya! i'm pan :)
when i was a youngn' i had no idea that the lgbtqa+ community even existed,, then i found a post on some website idk and yeah (also figured out that my uncle was gay uhh,hh)
at first i thought i was asexual, then asexual-biromantic because of this one gal who i still love to this day, but i also knew i liked boys. after that i thought i was just plain bi for a while because idk puberty i guess. i questioned for a while until the trans guy popped up at my school and it was like a smack to the face oh my goodness haha,, and then some nonbianaries and agenders came along with some other gals and guys and i just kinda followed my feelings from there,,
for my gender, not much there. just a bland cis-female, nothing more nothing less.
i reccomend looking up the main few labels and seeing if any apply to you,, that's more or less what i did.
hope this helps, and lmk if you need any more advice :)
currently bored | wlw she/her
@
Babs3
I always assumed I was bi or pan, because I knew I was attracted to girls, and I was in a relationship with a guy. But that relationship ended and I looked back, realized that I wasn't actually attracted to him, but was in the relationship more because I didn't have a lot of friends at the time, and it was a lot easier then facing the fact that I'm super gay and I might run into people who don't like me because of it.
What made me realize I wasn't actually attracted to guys was that I'd picture my ideal future where I was 100% happy, living my dream life, and it was always with a girl. There was a lot of other things too, but that was a big one.
That's what worked for me. But don't feel afraid to not know. You'll figure it out! It's okay if it takes a while, I know it seems like everyone always instantly knows their sexuality or gender, but life is complicated and dynamic! There's never going to be one right way to figuring it out, but I'd say the fact that you're questioning yourself rather then assuming one thing is a big step forward!
@
Babs3
I always assumed I was bi or pan, because I knew I was attracted to girls, and I was in a relationship with a guy. But that relationship ended and I looked back, realized that I wasn't actually attracted to him, but was in the relationship more because I didn't have a lot of friends at the time, and it was a lot easier then facing the fact that I'm super gay and I might run into people who don't like me because of it.
What made me realize I wasn't actually attracted to guys was that I'd picture my ideal future where I was 100% happy, living my dream life, and it was always with a girl. There was a lot of other things too, but that was a big one.
That's what worked for me. But don't feel afraid to not know. You'll figure it out! It's okay if it takes a while, I know it seems like everyone always instantly knows their sexuality or gender, but life is complicated and dynamic! There's never going to be one right way to figuring it out, but I'd say the fact that you're questioning yourself rather then assuming one thing is a big step forward!
I'm hetero-romantic asexual and I guess I just...always knew. I always found it weird, for example, that romance plots played so heavily in every movie and show I saw even as a SMALL CHILD, and that I seemed to notice it (and be annoyed by it) and no one else did. I found it weird that as I went through being a teen, I never seemed to think of guys (or gals) the way other girls my age did. As I got older I still found it weird that sex and relationships seemed to be such a huge part of how everyone else interacted with one another. And weird that I just...didn't...think that way.
Basically I just shrugged it off, because I'm perfectly happy doing my own thing and I'm not really bothered if other people find it weird. Until I was in college and got comments from a family member about how 'unnatural' I was regarding sexuality, or rather, my lack of interest in it. That comment really hurt for some reason I couldn't explain back then, and to this day I still haven't 'come out' as asexual to that individual.
It wasn't until about a decade later that I found the term 'asexual' online and I was like "oh, so it has a name and it's actually A Thing. Huh." I was doubly pleased to find that the asexual pride flag is all in my favorite colors :p it was meant to be!
As to my gender, I'm cisgender female, always known that. As much as the female body aggravates me sometimes, I've never had thoughts about being anything else, and in fact that's kinda weird to imagine. So yeah, definitely cisgender.
So...I guess the tl;dr is that I always knew, I just didn't have a word to describe it until recently.
That's probably not much help but there ya go.
I'm hetero-romantic asexual and I guess I just...always knew. I always found it weird, for example, that romance plots played so heavily in every movie and show I saw even as a SMALL CHILD, and that I seemed to notice it (and be annoyed by it) and no one else did. I found it weird that as I went through being a teen, I never seemed to think of guys (or gals) the way other girls my age did. As I got older I still found it weird that sex and relationships seemed to be such a huge part of how everyone else interacted with one another. And weird that I just...didn't...think that way.
Basically I just shrugged it off, because I'm perfectly happy doing my own thing and I'm not really bothered if other people find it weird. Until I was in college and got comments from a family member about how 'unnatural' I was regarding sexuality, or rather, my lack of interest in it. That comment really hurt for some reason I couldn't explain back then, and to this day I still haven't 'come out' as asexual to that individual.
It wasn't until about a decade later that I found the term 'asexual' online and I was like "oh, so it has a name and it's actually A Thing. Huh." I was doubly pleased to find that the asexual pride flag is all in my favorite colors :p it was meant to be!
As to my gender, I'm cisgender female, always known that. As much as the female body aggravates me sometimes, I've never had thoughts about being anything else, and in fact that's kinda weird to imagine. So yeah, definitely cisgender.
So...I guess the tl;dr is that I always knew, I just didn't have a word to describe it until recently.
That's probably not much help but there ya go.
i wouldn't have figured out my identity for quite a few years more without the internet! i live in a village in sub-rural ohio, so as you can imagine, i never had many opportunities to interact with anyone who wasn't cishet. i saw people on tumblr trying to figure out their gender identity, and that's what encouraged me to start looking around. from there, it can be a lot of trial and error- i first started identifying as agender, and i stuck with it for about a year of so, but it never really stuck? figuring out my relationship to gender was pretty wild- i'm fine with acting more effeminately, so i figured i was some type of nonbinary for years. it took a while before i realized trans men can be effeminate in the same way that cis men can (this was not helped at all by having to prove to people that i was "trans enough" :/). after that, i had decided i was most comfortable just identifying as a man. ultimately, it's up to you to decide what labels fit best!
as for sexuality? i was a pretty late bloomer in terms of feeling attraction, so i thought i was asexual for years. in retrospect, i think i just pushed sexuality aside, because dysphoria made wanting to do anything intimate, physically or emotionally, pretty dang hard. once i got on hormone therapy and whatnot, my sexuality turned out to be really easy: i saw hozier and that was my gay awakening. dear god he's so pretty (i've also never felt attracted to women, so i think that's also a good sign that i'm gay)
i wouldn't have figured out my identity for quite a few years more without the internet! i live in a village in sub-rural ohio, so as you can imagine, i never had many opportunities to interact with anyone who wasn't cishet. i saw people on tumblr trying to figure out their gender identity, and that's what encouraged me to start looking around. from there, it can be a lot of trial and error- i first started identifying as agender, and i stuck with it for about a year of so, but it never really stuck? figuring out my relationship to gender was pretty wild- i'm fine with acting more effeminately, so i figured i was some type of nonbinary for years. it took a while before i realized trans men can be effeminate in the same way that cis men can (this was not helped at all by having to prove to people that i was "trans enough" :/). after that, i had decided i was most comfortable just identifying as a man. ultimately, it's up to you to decide what labels fit best!
as for sexuality? i was a pretty late bloomer in terms of feeling attraction, so i thought i was asexual for years. in retrospect, i think i just pushed sexuality aside, because dysphoria made wanting to do anything intimate, physically or emotionally, pretty dang hard. once i got on hormone therapy and whatnot, my sexuality turned out to be really easy: i saw hozier and that was my gay awakening. dear god he's so pretty (i've also never felt attracted to women, so i think that's also a good sign that i'm gay)
I am aromantic/asexual. And I just fail to human.
I knew from a VERY young age, like, right into middle school, that something was up with me. Unlike EVERYBODY else, I never saw the need for 'relationships' (Or whatever they should be called at that age.) I did not see the need for hand holding, or fast kisses, and I certainly never saw that need to share my soul with anyone other than myself. Also, we got the dreaded 'health class', which threw me for a loop. All this at a very young age, and at that time, the terms I know now just weren't very well known, or known to me AT ALL.
So growing up in middle school, and into highschool like this, nothing changed. I had grown to be disgusted by anything 'sexy'. Anything from hearing a kiss, to even suggested sexy tiems on TV just grossed the hell out of me. My friend FINALLY threw the word 'asexual' at me when I was in 8th grade. And I just went 'y'know what? Hey. That fits. Perfectly. Yes. That is me.' And I've used that term from that day forward to describe me. It just felt...right..
But I just figured out I was aromantic about...three? Years ago. So at age 25 I finally found a second term that hit me the right way. I heard it. Looked it up, didn't even have to THINK about it, and it just...fit. Like a lock in a key. Y'see, I fail to human in this part of life. Only been in one relationship. Ended badly, technically his fault, but I wasn't helpful. I just couldn't...be romantic in any way or form? Like I can't even understand the reason behind holding hands. It just doesn't make sense to me. And I'm perfectly happy on my own. Emotions scare me, and relationships, for me, just aren't part of the plan. And I'm okay with that. :>
So..I guess, I always knew that there was a label for me, I just had to find it. So be free to look up EVERY label you can find, and see which one fits you. :>
I am aromantic/asexual. And I just fail to human.
I knew from a VERY young age, like, right into middle school, that something was up with me. Unlike EVERYBODY else, I never saw the need for 'relationships' (Or whatever they should be called at that age.) I did not see the need for hand holding, or fast kisses, and I certainly never saw that need to share my soul with anyone other than myself. Also, we got the dreaded 'health class', which threw me for a loop. All this at a very young age, and at that time, the terms I know now just weren't very well known, or known to me AT ALL.
So growing up in middle school, and into highschool like this, nothing changed. I had grown to be disgusted by anything 'sexy'. Anything from hearing a kiss, to even suggested sexy tiems on TV just grossed the hell out of me. My friend FINALLY threw the word 'asexual' at me when I was in 8th grade. And I just went 'y'know what? Hey. That fits. Perfectly. Yes. That is me.' And I've used that term from that day forward to describe me. It just felt...right..
But I just figured out I was aromantic about...three? Years ago. So at age 25 I finally found a second term that hit me the right way. I heard it. Looked it up, didn't even have to THINK about it, and it just...fit. Like a lock in a key. Y'see, I fail to human in this part of life. Only been in one relationship. Ended badly, technically his fault, but I wasn't helpful. I just couldn't...be romantic in any way or form? Like I can't even understand the reason behind holding hands. It just doesn't make sense to me. And I'm perfectly happy on my own. Emotions scare me, and relationships, for me, just aren't part of the plan. And I'm okay with that. :>
So..I guess, I always knew that there was a label for me, I just had to find it. So be free to look up EVERY label you can find, and see which one fits you. :>
uhm im nonbinary mainly because i didnt know which sub-catergory i wanted to be, and i dont necessarily feel like male or female.
and honestly im really ugly ><;;
im also asexual because childhood scenarios im not discussing thru fr and i'm one of the people who is bare [unable to have kiddos]
uhm im nonbinary mainly because i didnt know which sub-catergory i wanted to be, and i dont necessarily feel like male or female.
and honestly im really ugly ><;;
im also asexual because childhood scenarios im not discussing thru fr and i'm one of the people who is bare [unable to have kiddos]
i always felt incredibly alienated from the prospect of growing up to have the average Cisgender Hetero Woman life of marrying a man and having children. when i started puberty as a teenager i started to feel incredibly alienated from my body and the way people interacted with me as a girl.
i thought for years i was just a self-hating cis girl, and then i thought i must be asexual, but in reality i was a heavily repressed and dysphoric gay trans person.
it took me surrounding myself with out and happy gay and trans people to realize that though. and giving myself the OK to just let myself change up how i refer to myself and the names/pronouns i use and letting myself acknowledge that men are hot in a gay way and i want to involve myself with them in a gay male way, not a cishet way.
i always felt incredibly alienated from the prospect of growing up to have the average Cisgender Hetero Woman life of marrying a man and having children. when i started puberty as a teenager i started to feel incredibly alienated from my body and the way people interacted with me as a girl.
i thought for years i was just a self-hating cis girl, and then i thought i must be asexual, but in reality i was a heavily repressed and dysphoric gay trans person.
it took me surrounding myself with out and happy gay and trans people to realize that though. and giving myself the OK to just let myself change up how i refer to myself and the names/pronouns i use and letting myself acknowledge that men are hot in a gay way and i want to involve myself with them in a gay male way, not a cishet way.
I identify as queer, aromantic, and agender.
I think these things influenced each other, because I didn't really notice that I was aromantic (or even a more general queer than just being attracted to girls) until I realized I was agender.
Looking back, I think there are things from when I was younger that indicate that I was still kind of nonbinary back then (even though I must say, I think I'd classify me of when I was little as a girl. but then again, little kid me is such a different person from me now that maybe I don't even have any input). I realized I was nonbinary around 10th grade or so when I started presenting more androgynously and stopped being so uncomfortable in my body. I'm still uncomfortable with some aspects of my body, but now the problems are more like 'What the heck, why do I still require a physical form that people try to assign genders to? Can't I be a Formless Sentience?'
In middle school, I thought I was a lesbian because I thought about kissing one (1) girl and felt absolutely no interest in guys. I still don't have a lot of interest in guys, but I'm also not very interested in doing much more (romantically speaking) than kissing girls. I don't find going on dates in a manner that could lead me to having a romantic partner interesting at all, I just want to go out to dinner with my friends (is that too much to ask?) and I'm not interested in being in a long-term romantic relationship with anybody, just having friends who I can trust and hang out with for a long, long time. I don't find romantic stories or romantic plots in literature/film very compelling, and honestly I'd rather just sit on the ground for an hour and a half than watch a romcom. It's absolute torture for me. If you enjoy those, I support you but will never understand you. It's worse than boring.
Side note: I do find queer romantic stories more interesting, but that's for different reasons than the romance.
And as for queer, well, that's always changing. I'm just as confused as anybody else about my sexuality. Sometimes I'm asexual, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm attracted to a guy or two, sometimes I'm not. I think I just figured it out by chance and by dear god, girls, I love em
(Edit: I also id as aceflux, which is just me being asexual sometimes and sometimes not. It gives me absolutely no warning about the switch between these, and it's very strange. I am not always a fan, but both of those modes, as well as the kind of in-between mode, have their perks. I generally feel more chill when I'm in ace mode, but I guess it's just a few less things to have on my mind.)
I identify as queer, aromantic, and agender.
I think these things influenced each other, because I didn't really notice that I was aromantic (or even a more general queer than just being attracted to girls) until I realized I was agender.
Looking back, I think there are things from when I was younger that indicate that I was still kind of nonbinary back then (even though I must say, I think I'd classify me of when I was little as a girl. but then again, little kid me is such a different person from me now that maybe I don't even have any input). I realized I was nonbinary around 10th grade or so when I started presenting more androgynously and stopped being so uncomfortable in my body. I'm still uncomfortable with some aspects of my body, but now the problems are more like 'What the heck, why do I still require a physical form that people try to assign genders to? Can't I be a Formless Sentience?'
In middle school, I thought I was a lesbian because I thought about kissing one (1) girl and felt absolutely no interest in guys. I still don't have a lot of interest in guys, but I'm also not very interested in doing much more (romantically speaking) than kissing girls. I don't find going on dates in a manner that could lead me to having a romantic partner interesting at all, I just want to go out to dinner with my friends (is that too much to ask?) and I'm not interested in being in a long-term romantic relationship with anybody, just having friends who I can trust and hang out with for a long, long time. I don't find romantic stories or romantic plots in literature/film very compelling, and honestly I'd rather just sit on the ground for an hour and a half than watch a romcom. It's absolute torture for me. If you enjoy those, I support you but will never understand you. It's worse than boring.
Side note: I do find queer romantic stories more interesting, but that's for different reasons than the romance.
And as for queer, well, that's always changing. I'm just as confused as anybody else about my sexuality. Sometimes I'm asexual, sometimes I'm not. Sometimes I'm attracted to a guy or two, sometimes I'm not. I think I just figured it out by chance and by dear god, girls, I love em
(Edit: I also id as aceflux, which is just me being asexual sometimes and sometimes not. It gives me absolutely no warning about the switch between these, and it's very strange. I am not always a fan, but both of those modes, as well as the kind of in-between mode, have their perks. I generally feel more chill when I'm in ace mode, but I guess it's just a few less things to have on my mind.)
[quote name="salander867" date="2019-06-12 18:33:43" ]
What made me realize I wasn't actually attracted to guys was that I'd picture my ideal future where I was 100% happy, living my dream life, and it was always with a girl. There was a lot of other things too, but that was a big one.
[/quote]
Similar story here! I identified as bi for years, but as time went on I became less and less comfortable with the idea of dating guys. When I realized that I was actually [i]worried[/i] I'd end up with a dude, and that I can only really picture spending my life with a girl, that made my second gay awakening fall into place. This was just a couple years ago.
But my first gay awakening (the "oh, girls are hot" one) came much earlier, when I was 14. I was questioning because I thought I might be crushing on a couple of my friends, but pushed the thought aside, because "it's not like I like girls like [i]that [/i]or anything"... Until one day I watched the music video for That's What You Get by Paramore, and was totally floored by how beautiful Hayley Williams was. Sometimes a hot musician is all you need to have that gay epiphany :')
But it took me a long time to figure myself out, even though I had my initial realization of not being straight when I was pretty young. So my advice to any young people who are questioning is to not worry about finding the perfect label for your identity. It's okay to not know what your deal is, and it's okay to fumble through a few labels that you end up not identifying with after all. It's your journey and it can take as long as it needs.
salander867 wrote on 2019-06-12 18:33:43:
What made me realize I wasn't actually attracted to guys was that I'd picture my ideal future where I was 100% happy, living my dream life, and it was always with a girl. There was a lot of other things too, but that was a big one.
Similar story here! I identified as bi for years, but as time went on I became less and less comfortable with the idea of dating guys. When I realized that I was actually
worried I'd end up with a dude, and that I can only really picture spending my life with a girl, that made my second gay awakening fall into place. This was just a couple years ago.
But my first gay awakening (the "oh, girls are hot" one) came much earlier, when I was 14. I was questioning because I thought I might be crushing on a couple of my friends, but pushed the thought aside, because "it's not like I like girls like
that or anything"... Until one day I watched the music video for That's What You Get by Paramore, and was totally floored by how beautiful Hayley Williams was. Sometimes a hot musician is all you need to have that gay epiphany :')
But it took me a long time to figure myself out, even though I had my initial realization of not being straight when I was pretty young. So my advice to any young people who are questioning is to not worry about finding the perfect label for your identity. It's okay to not know what your deal is, and it's okay to fumble through a few labels that you end up not identifying with after all. It's your journey and it can take as long as it needs.