Creative Corner

I'm doing lore and outfit reviews because... I'm bored, I need currency, and I like reading people's lore and seeing their outfits. You can ask me to review a specific piece of lore, or to browse a few pieces and review your style of writing altogether. Or you can ask me to review an outfit on one of your dragons.

It's pwyw, so you can just pay me whatever you think my service is worth, even if that's literally just 10 treasure.

I'll try to keep a balance of praise and criticism. Don't worry if I do criticise a thing or two, and keep an open mind. Remember, by knowing your strengths and weaknesses, you can work on each of them and improve your writing and outfit designing even further!

I do write lore myself, so if you'd like to know what sort of style I have and therefore what I'm probably going to be reviewing your lore against, there are lots of examples in my lore shop (linked in my signature).

So that's it. Shower me with lore and outfits!

@Fennecfox21 Could you review Lysin's and Kaiyo's lore? [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/40756572][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/407566/40756572_350.png[/img][/url] Lysin is a dragon who has been given another chance at living by a forest spirit. [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/52834724][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/528348/52834724_350.png[/img][/url] Kaiyo is an ocean spirit who guides the souls of spirits lost at sea to land. Thanks!

@Auraelia

Wow. I absolutely love your style of writing. Honestly, it annoyed me... Because I can't really find anything wrong with it.
For Lysin, I find that this piece of lore provides lots of information but hardly any, and a long story yet a short paragraph. I like how, throughout it, you hint at little details and yet never quite give the whole truth. This allows the reader to fill in the gaps themselves, making this lore interactive in a way which enraptures the reader as they carry on gathering the little clues as they read. The description is immaculate, and as I read it I could vividly picture each scene in my mind. The introduction is a classic, as almost always in pieces of writing which use "They say that..." , the following statement is contradicted in the rest of the paragraph. That fact causes the readers mind to immediately try to think of how the statement could be contradicted, which then captures their attention by making them read on to find out.
Your style perfectly matches what the piece is about. The lore is about magic and mystery, and by creating a sense of wonder in your wording, you essentially add the cherry to the cake, making it a perfect piece of lore.

For Kaiyo, I will start at the beginning. From the first sentence I gathered that the lore would be about some ceremony, and I think it was an excellent choice of words to capture the reader's attention. After rereading several times, I noticed the first mistake, which is when you mention they hold her arms. Now, to be quite honest I am being quick picky here, since there isn't really much to complain about, and you may think there is no problem here, but the image in my mind is slightly odd as I read this particular sentence. By holding her arms, Delta and Depth are left with only three legs to walk on, which creates rather a funny picture as I imagine a three-legged dragon to be quite lopsided. This kind of ruins the picture of elegance that the rest of the lore has built up. Of course, you may think that there would be nothing wrong with this, and this is really just my opinion anyway, but if you did agree that it was a little odd, perhaps it could be changed to that they spread their wings over Kaiyo's back. This would mean they would still have a hold on her, still be touching her and guiding her, but they would be using a limb that, while they were walking down to the water, would be currently unused. Now, back to the best bits! I adore your description of her reflection, and I feel that throughout this piece you use words in the most creative way. Her transition to her spirit form is well thought out, and the altogether concept of how she almost switches into any dimension of the same world is utterly ingenious. While others may have spirit dragons in their lore, I haven't yet seen any explanations of who they are and how they became like this that are quite as well written as yours.


Hope these reviews were useful, though there's not really anything you need to improve on. If you ever do commissions, please let me know, your writing is amazing!

Hello, @Fennecfox21 !!

If you're feeling like exploring a bit, would you mind checking out my Clan Crystalline tab?
It's where my main clan and lore resides. It's all always a work in progress, but most of my dragons are decorated and have lore in their bios.

My goal with my clan lore is to have each dragon be connected to one another, and have mention of other dragon(s) here and there to encourage people who see my dragons and read whatever is written to look for the other mentioned dragons, and learn more and more about the dragons and relationships between them gradually by exploring my lair.

I like to try to keep my own lore relatively accurate to FR lore, and I try to implement lots of visuals and game items of relevance as well as links here and there on images so that everything is visually appealing and fun to search through.

So I guess I'm asking if you could click through a few of my dragons, and tell me what you think? Less of the overall lore as that's messy, but the visuals and the connectivity, and just give me your opinion as an outside view to it all so far? Again, a lot of it is still a WIP, and my progens especially are outdated, but I'd appreciate if you could browse through that tab and click on a few dragons and all of that.
My bios are best formatted for a desktop screen at 100% zoom. They may not look as they are intended to on mobile or a different zoom level.

I'll send you a tidy little tip for your time.
Thanks so much! :)

@Phoenix447
It sounds great! I'll do the review in the morning, as where I am it's quite late now.

@Fennecfox21
I'd love it if you wanted to review my lair. :D All of my dragons on the first three tabs have lore so you can really pick and choose who you'd like to look at.

@Fennecfox21 I'd love a review of this gal's lore if you have the time! [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/65412506][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/654126/65412506_350.png[/img][/url]

@Fennecfox21 I'd love a review for Kyanite. [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/24312064][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/243121/24312064_350.png[/img][/url] If you're up for a long read, there's also Ryujin. He's a project where I commission different authors to contribute to a "storybook" of sorts about a wander warrior, like a collection of myths. It is very long though, so don't feel pressured to do it. [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/57604][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/577/57604_350.png[/img][/url]

@Phoenix447
Your plan sounds great, and I think once you're finished with the lore it'll be really cool. I enjoyed reading the lore you've got so far, and I like how each dragon has an appointed role in the clan. To create an interactive clan lore that will make the reader want to read each dragon's lore, you have to catch them at the start. I think you've done this well, as the first dragon most people will click is your progen, Kari, for she is the first dragon on the page. Again, I admire how you string it along, so that the reader will continue to read the lore of each dragon after they hear about them in the lore of the last. What you now need to focus on is keeping the flow, and making sure there are no dead ends, in order too create a proper lore chain.
My main problem was that for Kari and Rock, the lore in the bios was beneath lots of filler text. I understand that since you haven't yet completed all your clan lore, you may be planning to write more lore in that place later, but if you are planning on getting people to read your lore now, you may want to move the lore to the top of the bio. The reason for this is that if a reader goes to a dragon's bio and sees filler text as the first paragraph, they will automatically assume that the dragon does not yet have any lore, and skip to the next dragon. If that dragon is the first dragon in your lair, the reader may even assume that none of your dragons have lore, and not bother checking any of your other dragons.


I hope this was useful! Keep working on the lore, and maybe let me know when you're finished. I really like your clan's background, good job!

do u think u could review Pearl? :0 [url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/56423660][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/564237/56423660_350.png[/img][/url]