EDIT/NOTE: Be sure to keep posts FlightRising friendly. You don't have to go into specific detail at all.
So while I was making my rounds on the forums, I came across a post that reminded me of my-- to be frank-- very ridiculous insecurities. I then decided to create this thread as a way for others to share these insecurities and to try and find ways to overcome them. So, what's a ridiculous insecurity or fear that you have?
I am insanely self-conscious of my table manners. I'm quite the picky eater and I have a very small appetite-- I always have-- and whenever I'm out in public at a restaurant, I barely graze the food on my plate. The worst time I have ever had with this particular insecurity of mine is when I got to finally meet up with my boyfriend this September, we ordered a pizza for lunch and I only ate one slice at a very slow pace. Now, I am what I like to call a connoisseur of pizza, and pretty much everyone I'm close to knows this. My dad knew something was up, but I just told him that I wasn't hungry. It's so weird honestly, I have no problem eating in a private setting but in public? Yeah, I usually take home a big box of leftovers.
EDIT/NOTE: Be sure to keep posts FlightRising friendly. You don't have to go into specific detail at all.
So while I was making my rounds on the forums, I came across a post that reminded me of my-- to be frank-- very ridiculous insecurities. I then decided to create this thread as a way for others to share these insecurities and to try and find ways to overcome them. So, what's a ridiculous insecurity or fear that you have?
I am insanely self-conscious of my table manners. I'm quite the picky eater and I have a very small appetite-- I always have-- and whenever I'm out in public at a restaurant, I barely graze the food on my plate. The worst time I have ever had with this particular insecurity of mine is when I got to finally meet up with my boyfriend this September, we ordered a pizza for lunch and I only ate one slice at a very slow pace. Now, I am what I like to call a connoisseur of pizza, and pretty much everyone I'm close to knows this. My dad knew something was up, but I just told him that I wasn't hungry. It's so weird honestly, I have no problem eating in a private setting but in public? Yeah, I usually take home a big box of leftovers.
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I have a huge fear of expressing my emotions due to expressing my depression and suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager. I get scared a lot of the time about how a person will react if I express any sort of emotion to them that isn't happy, because I don't know if they're gonna show sympathy or if they're going to berate me. Even though I do express my emotions to others, I still fear what they're going to say because it always seems like I'm gambling with my relationships that way. I know people say that it's okay to express myself by talking about what's bothering me, but the things that went on during my younger years haunt me to this day, and I'm already getting close to my late 20s. When my emotions get out of control and I'm scared to talk to someone about them, I make vent art.
As for insecurities, I've got a few at the very least. I struggle with expressing myself verbally and often times the words don't come out as I want them to. I actually get anxiety and frustrated with myself when I can't even say what I want to say. I'm also insecure about the fact that I have a learning disability when it comes to language. Like, it was really hard for me to even speak and understand English and my parents were told by a professional that because of this, it's pretty much impossible for me to learn a foreign language, which I feel is true because I've never been able to speak Japanese fluently, nor can I really understand most of it as well as reading and writing it by memory. My dad even had to give up on trying to teach me Japanese when I was a kid because I just wasn't showing any signs of improvement in learning. The only solution I have for that one is to watch anything that involves Japanese and just nitpick words and small phrases that stick out to me, and sometimes make memes out of them in conversation. I'm also insecure about what people think of what I say, because I've got a history of saying things that are either too disturbing, aren't interesting enough for a full on verbal conversation, or they're just too weird to get an appropriate response, and so because of this, I don't usually say a lot of things to a lot of people and either give short responses or say nothing at all. I'll only talk more when I'm around people I'm comfortable with and feel like they actually accept me. Also, speaking of emotions, I'm also insecure of my mood swings. I've gone through a lot of traumatic situations whether they're from other people or from something about myself biologically that I can't help, and they've gotten so bad for me to the point I struggle to find middle ground with my emotions.
I have a huge fear of expressing my emotions due to expressing my depression and suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager. I get scared a lot of the time about how a person will react if I express any sort of emotion to them that isn't happy, because I don't know if they're gonna show sympathy or if they're going to berate me. Even though I do express my emotions to others, I still fear what they're going to say because it always seems like I'm gambling with my relationships that way. I know people say that it's okay to express myself by talking about what's bothering me, but the things that went on during my younger years haunt me to this day, and I'm already getting close to my late 20s. When my emotions get out of control and I'm scared to talk to someone about them, I make vent art.
As for insecurities, I've got a few at the very least. I struggle with expressing myself verbally and often times the words don't come out as I want them to. I actually get anxiety and frustrated with myself when I can't even say what I want to say. I'm also insecure about the fact that I have a learning disability when it comes to language. Like, it was really hard for me to even speak and understand English and my parents were told by a professional that because of this, it's pretty much impossible for me to learn a foreign language, which I feel is true because I've never been able to speak Japanese fluently, nor can I really understand most of it as well as reading and writing it by memory. My dad even had to give up on trying to teach me Japanese when I was a kid because I just wasn't showing any signs of improvement in learning. The only solution I have for that one is to watch anything that involves Japanese and just nitpick words and small phrases that stick out to me, and sometimes make memes out of them in conversation. I'm also insecure about what people think of what I say, because I've got a history of saying things that are either too disturbing, aren't interesting enough for a full on verbal conversation, or they're just too weird to get an appropriate response, and so because of this, I don't usually say a lot of things to a lot of people and either give short responses or say nothing at all. I'll only talk more when I'm around people I'm comfortable with and feel like they actually accept me. Also, speaking of emotions, I'm also insecure of my mood swings. I've gone through a lot of traumatic situations whether they're from other people or from something about myself biologically that I can't help, and they've gotten so bad for me to the point I struggle to find middle ground with my emotions.
Seconding expressing any 'negative' emotions. God, if my parents even hear me utter the word 'depressed' I would be so embarrassed and terrified. I have a horrible fear of being 'unnatural' and stuff like therapy and counselling just makes me feel like a freak...
Seconding expressing any 'negative' emotions. God, if my parents even hear me utter the word 'depressed' I would be so embarrassed and terrified. I have a horrible fear of being 'unnatural' and stuff like therapy and counselling just makes me feel like a freak...
Cars. Buses. Vehicles in general. I cannot stand to look at roads. Whenever I'm in a bus and I focus on the moving space just outside, I get so stressed and sick to my stomach. It's not exactly... being car-sick, per se, though more an uncontrollable fear. I get stressed out very easily, so if I see that the vehicle is moving over a certain line or in the wrong lane, I'll freak out and get really sweaty and other gross stuff I don't care to explain -- But I won't speak up to the driver. I just sit there, shaking, my eyes wide, staring at the road, sweating. And I can't tear my eyes away from the window. I just stare. And stare. And even if my mind goes to something else, an event it usually does not contemplate, my eyes will still be there, worrying, on the verge of tears. This happens often. Sometimes people notice and I will just say "thinking about something" or deny my anxiety completely. But, to sum matters up -- Vehicles. Vehicles are my number one ridiculous fear.
Cars. Buses. Vehicles in general. I cannot stand to look at roads. Whenever I'm in a bus and I focus on the moving space just outside, I get so stressed and sick to my stomach. It's not exactly... being car-sick, per se, though more an uncontrollable fear. I get stressed out very easily, so if I see that the vehicle is moving over a certain line or in the wrong lane, I'll freak out and get really sweaty and other gross stuff I don't care to explain -- But I won't speak up to the driver. I just sit there, shaking, my eyes wide, staring at the road, sweating. And I can't tear my eyes away from the window. I just stare. And stare. And even if my mind goes to something else, an event it usually does not contemplate, my eyes will still be there, worrying, on the verge of tears. This happens often. Sometimes people notice and I will just say "thinking about something" or deny my anxiety completely. But, to sum matters up -- Vehicles. Vehicles are my number one ridiculous fear.
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I'm insecure about my voice.
;-; I wish I could sing well, but I just settle for singing loud...and in private.
;_; Also I sound weird when I hear my voice played back.
;~; And I get embarrassed how much like some annoying child I sound like, so then I just stop talking for a long while.
Also, I don't think I can speak to people very well. >n< My brain totally screws up my sentences and it sounds like mumbling nonsense like, "Thankm you have a grent day, take care again..."
I'm insecure about my voice.
;-; I wish I could sing well, but I just settle for singing loud...and in private.
;_; Also I sound weird when I hear my voice played back.
;~; And I get embarrassed how much like some annoying child I sound like, so then I just stop talking for a long while.
Also, I don't think I can speak to people very well. >n< My brain totally screws up my sentences and it sounds like mumbling nonsense like, "Thankm you have a grent day, take care again..."
+~She/Her Majesty/Her Highness~+
I have quite a few, some of which I won't post in detail because uh. Personal and also this is NOT the place for that.
- I'm really scared of being wrong about something I tell other people about myself. For example I went 6 years thinking I was aro/ace, turns out I'm not. I am at the point where I don't want to use labels because I'm worried I'll just grow out of them again. I hate change, especially when I have to explain something about ME changed.
- This actually extends to other things like changing my appearance. I recently cut my hair to make it less terrible (straight cut across my back, made it very long in the front) and now it's nice. Problem is I didn't want to because it meant changing how people see me, and they'd be like "woW yOU fiNALlY Cut YoUR hAiR!1!!" which is SO ANNOYING. Also changing my clothing style. Like wearing anything 'fancy' makes me uncomfortable not because I don't like it because I do like it but because other people will be like "OH LOok whO fiNaLLy tRiED" so. Screw that.
There's probably more but those are the ones that come to mind since they've been plaguing me lately.
I have quite a few, some of which I won't post in detail because uh. Personal and also this is NOT the place for that.
- I'm really scared of being wrong about something I tell other people about myself. For example I went 6 years thinking I was aro/ace, turns out I'm not. I am at the point where I don't want to use labels because I'm worried I'll just grow out of them again. I hate change, especially when I have to explain something about ME changed.
- This actually extends to other things like changing my appearance. I recently cut my hair to make it less terrible (straight cut across my back, made it very long in the front) and now it's nice. Problem is I didn't want to because it meant changing how people see me, and they'd be like "woW yOU fiNALlY Cut YoUR hAiR!1!!" which is SO ANNOYING. Also changing my clothing style. Like wearing anything 'fancy' makes me uncomfortable not because I don't like it because I do like it but because other people will be like "OH LOok whO fiNaLLy tRiED" so. Screw that.
There's probably more but those are the ones that come to mind since they've been plaguing me lately.
Touching anything in deep water :/
I love swimming otherwise but I hate when I can’t see what I feel
Touching anything in deep water :/
I love swimming otherwise but I hate when I can’t see what I feel
[quote name="EWSpirit" date="2020-10-20 17:07:27" ]
I'm really scared of being wrong about something I tell other people about myself. For example I went 6 years thinking I was aro/ace, turns out I'm not. I am at the point where I don't want to use labels because I'm worried I'll just grow out of them again. I hate change, especially when I have to explain something about ME changed.[/quote]
This is extremely understandable. I considered myself to be bi back then, but after a lot of pondering I believe myself to be straight. I don't like labeling myself, so if anyone asks I just say I like the person I'm with and go on with it.
EWSpirit wrote on 2020-10-20 17:07:27:
I'm really scared of being wrong about something I tell other people about myself. For example I went 6 years thinking I was aro/ace, turns out I'm not. I am at the point where I don't want to use labels because I'm worried I'll just grow out of them again. I hate change, especially when I have to explain something about ME changed.
This is extremely understandable. I considered myself to be bi back then, but after a lot of pondering I believe myself to be straight. I don't like labeling myself, so if anyone asks I just say I like the person I'm with and go on with it.
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i hate hearing my voice in recordings and seeing my face on screens, it always seems so wrong, almost like it isnt me. people always think its because im insecure, but it doesnt feel like that, it feels like people have a false version of me that one day could be the only memory other people have of me
i hate hearing my voice in recordings and seeing my face on screens, it always seems so wrong, almost like it isnt me. people always think its because im insecure, but it doesnt feel like that, it feels like people have a false version of me that one day could be the only memory other people have of me
human babies. biiig legit trigger for me. can't stand the sight, sound, or touch of them, or most baby-related objects, or something that i know was recently touched by a baby. i've had panic attacks due to babies getting just a little too close to me jfalsdjf
i can't stand the thought of being hated. even if it's by someone i don't even really know. i got the stupid idea in my head that if someone hates me, then obviously it's because i'm a BAD person who deserves to feel bad and be hated. bad bad bad. and if i like or find comfort in something (or a character or concept from something) that someone says is bad? then that makes me also bad, too. i must be pleasant and agreeable at ALL times or i am horrible. no ifs, ans, or buts. that's just how it is.
like realtalk i've been fretting so fricking hard over whether i should feel bad for having a comfort character from the homestuck webcomic cause i keep seeing so many people putting "homestuck" on their DNI lists and i just don't want to be bad or hated and i'm scared
human babies. biiig legit trigger for me. can't stand the sight, sound, or touch of them, or most baby-related objects, or something that i know was recently touched by a baby. i've had panic attacks due to babies getting just a little too close to me jfalsdjf
i can't stand the thought of being hated. even if it's by someone i don't even really know. i got the stupid idea in my head that if someone hates me, then obviously it's because i'm a BAD person who deserves to feel bad and be hated. bad bad bad. and if i like or find comfort in something (or a character or concept from something) that someone says is bad? then that makes me also bad, too. i must be pleasant and agreeable at ALL times or i am horrible. no ifs, ans, or buts. that's just how it is.
like realtalk i've been fretting so fricking hard over whether i should feel bad for having a comfort character from the homestuck webcomic cause i keep seeing so many people putting "homestuck" on their DNI lists and i just don't want to be bad or hated and i'm scared