General Discussion

like do you ever make up a rule in your head for the way people interact based off what you've seen irl or in media?? i've found i do this a lot and try to follow these "rules", and then when I realize the rule isn't true (the majority of the time), it's like mind-blowing for me. idk i just thought it was weird and wanted to know if anyone else did it!

I'm not sure if this is what you mean, but I have a personal rule that if someone's talking to me I need to put my phone down and give them my full attention. And then continue to be an engaged listener. In turn, I expect others to do the same. A surprising amount of people find this really hard so I guess I should remove the rule from my brain :')

Like no one wants to be talking about something and then get "uh huh. neat" as their only response, right? Even I slip sometimes and end up talking while looking at my phone, but I correct myself quickly

@BirdBagel

you're not alone! I do that as well :'D

fill the space of the conversation or else if the other person stops talking then i've ruined the conversation and oh god it's all my fault

/dramatic (I have anxiety okay)

[quote name="@AltMixie" date="2022-03-18 13:11:02" ] fill the space of the conversation or else if the other person stops talking then i've ruined the conversation and oh god it's all my fault /dramatic (I have anxiety okay) [/quote] NO I do this too, every time the other person stops talking I quickly assume that they don’t like me anymore and will never want to interact ever again @FateSong That’s really reassuring, thank you /gen

@BirdBagel yes, that is also a social rule for me that i thought was commonplace but apparently is not! i never look at my phone when i'm talking to someone because that implies that i'm not listening to them. it always feels very rude to me when someone takes out their phone and starts scrolling while i'm talking to them.

as for the op, i don't know that i really take social cues from media, i think i've been pretty good about basing it off of what the people around me do. but one thing that i will always struggle with is making eye contact. it is very difficult for me, it feels very intense and intimidating and it's often hard for me to think and make eye contact at the same time. i've learned to look at their forehead instead, it's close enough that they think i'm making eye contact but really i just have severe social anxiety

[quote name="BirdBagel" date="2022-03-18 14:08:35" ] [quote name="@AltMixie" date="2022-03-18 13:11:02" ] fill the space of the conversation or else if the other person stops talking then i've ruined the conversation and oh god it's all my fault /dramatic (I have anxiety okay) [/quote] NO I do this too, every time the other person stops talking I quickly assume that they don’t like me anymore and will never want to interact ever again @FateSong That’s really reassuring, thank you /gen [/quote] @BirdBage @AltMixie same about the conversation thing too :'D

@BirdBagel this is similar to what I'm talking about!! I have a lot of things I try to catch onto in order to not appear rude, but I see others doing those things all the time so i have no idea if it's really rude or not ;-;

@AltMixie i either do this all the time orrr find myself completely unable to speak in long sentences or sometimes even words that have more than one syllable. i hate it when that happens tho so i try to make myself converse no matter what

@Kuroikumo i have a lot of trouble telling what people around me want from me most of the time, so i try to pay attention and copy when i see interactions in tv shows and real life. the eye contact thing can be really difficult for me too, when i was younger i basically refused to make any eye contact at all. its gotten better but sometimes when im talking to people I don't know as well it feels very strained

i have autism so personally my whole social life is practically "ah, yes, what rules may i follow this time to have a successful conversation?"
it's tiring a lot of the time. the hardest for me is when people are venting/upset and they're not communicating bluntly, and i try to help but i Mess Up and the person wants you to say something else to make them feel better asdgkdljgfd

honestly, i might just say forget it to all these rules and do what i feel is the kindest thing to do in social scenarios LOL

@karahalios I also have autism, and I also have very emotional friends. Let me just say that the latter idea might make you feel more free, but you'll lose friends quickly :') I don't know a better alternative, either. We're suffering together ig I'm seeing this turn into more of a social anxiety thread, and honestly, I like it. People need a place to talk about this @Kuroikumo oops does the image in my sig bother you [emoji=mirror size=1] The whole eye contact thing is actually opposite for me; my therapist told me to cut back on my eye contact because I would stare intensely at people to try and show that I was listening, but it made me seem creepy instead lmao